Posts Tagged ‘Thoughts’

- One Tree Hill

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I’m a hazard to myself.

An extract from an email I wrote to a friend yesterday -

I’m feeling pretty damned lousy myself right now. I’m just so confused about my life right now and I just .. hurt? I don’t know.

I’ve finally got a job that I want, I’m going back to NYC and marrying Nick, and I still don’t feel happy.

I never thought I’d live this long – so I never really bothered to make plans. I don’t think I ever really thought I’d move to Sydney, because I don’t think I thought I’d be alive that long. Now I’m like ?? What do I want? I don’t think I want to stay in Darwin, but I don’t know where I want to be .. I guess I’m realising that even in Sydney, I’ll still be me … and that’s half my problem. “Wherever you go, there you’ll be ..” or whatever it is *sigh*

I think I’m just getting itchy feet – I went away pretty much every two months for the past two years, and it’s getting to that point again now (this weekend will be two months), and I just want to get away .. but we’re not going anywhere til May

I’ve spent my whole life running from who I am .. and now it’s catching up with me…

For the first time in about ten years, I have a tan. With my skin, generally I just burn and peel, much to my disgust.

Wouldn’t you know it – I want my porcelain skin back.

I guess the grass really is always greener …

"Fat Cow" just gained a whole new meaning ...

From what I can assume was only induced by too much sugar before bed, last night I had a horrible, terrifying dream … well, a nightmare, really …

Both my Mum and significant other shipped me off to a … “Fat Farm”. Needless to say, I jumped out of bed first thing this morning and hit the gym with gusto.

It’s rather telling of what I think about myself of late, isn’t it?

Conditions/Diseases/Infections/etc that I have been tested or treated for in my short-barely-24-years-of-age time in this world:

agoroaphobia
alcohol poisoning – spent night in hospital
allergies
anemia
anxiety
appendicitis
asthma
bacterial infections requiring antibiotics
blood noses
broken collar bone (twice)
bronchitis
bruised tailbone
chicken pox
conjunctivitis
constipation
depression
disorded eating
drink spiked – spent night in hospital
ECGs to check my heart
eczema
fainting
fatigue
food poisoning
german measles
headaches
headlice
hepatitis
IBS
insomnia
jetlag
joint pain
kidney infections (chronic)
lactose intolerance
laryngitis
low blood pressure
migraines
moles in precarious places
motion sickness
osteoporosis (early onset)
pneumonia
rashes – heat
scabies
sinus
sprained ankle
sprained wrist
stitches in head
tested for Crohn’s/Ulcerative Colitis
tested for Epilepsy/Brain Tumour
tetanus
tinea
tonsilitis
tropical ear
UTI’s
viral gastoenteritis
warts
x-ray: stomach, oesophagus & duodenum

… hmm, hyperchondria seems to be missing! haha .. I might have to ask my GP about that one *makes note to self*

xoxo

I want to be in Sydney already.

It probably doesn’t help that I’ve been browsing rental properties, as well as those for sale *sheepish* Nick and I can’t wait until we have a place of our own, where we are free to paint the walls as we see fit *giggle* I can’t wait to whack a deposit down on an apartment, and have a place to call home. When did I reach the point where having a mortgage excites me?

xoxo

Twenty-five years ago today, my parents got hitched.

During those last few moments before I fell asleep last night, I had some ideas for the blog this week. I discussed them at great length with my dog before drifting off to sleep. To my surprise, I actually remembered them this morning, and was quite proud of my efforts – usually I forget! I pondered some more in the shower, and then on the drive to work.

However, in typical Kahlee-style-fashion, three hours later, when I have a few spare moments, do you think I can remember these grand ideas? Nope. Nada. Nothing.

So, I shall have to come back later…

Oh – I have my CT scan this afternoon. Wish me luck! Perhaps the big scanner-thingy will trigger some creative thought?

xoxo

I’m in need of a bit of a vent, so I thought that I would take a
leaf out of the lovely Annik’s book… er, blog, and list the things that have disappointed me.

1. Chocolate. I thought you were there for me in good times and in bad, but my hips have had other things to say.
2. Gloria Jeans.
3. The bus driver on the number 3 bus who neither opened the door for me, nor got off his backside to help when I a tiny young thing at 16, and was surrounded by a gang and beat up. Thanks mate.
4. Vodka.
5. The Devil Wears Prada movie. The book was so much better.
6. Cashmere Mafia.
7. United Airlines. Grey omelettes and sh’tty service is so not cool.
8. SeaWorld San Diego – when you advertise “Dine with Shamu”, you should probably note that it’s not THE Shamu *scowl*
9. Ezibuy. I don’t appreciate waiting over a month after receiving dispatch notification to receive a package. And I don’t like being charged twice, either.
10. Vodafone.
11. New York City. I wanted a white Christmas, dammit!
12. THOR in New York City. What kind of restaurant doesn’t celebrate Christmas? You could have MENTIONED that on your website or over the phone before we trekked more than 40 blocks to eat at your establishment!
13. Cane toads.
14. New Years Eve in New York City. Sure, the last twenty minutes were FABULOUS, but being barricaded inside our hotel because it was too much of a pain in the rear end to get out was not so great.
15. Telstra.
16. Beach House Fitness Centre – what’s with the lack of BodyStep and BodyAttack classes? Huh?
17. Emla patches. Anaesthetic patches? Whatever. The Cervical Cancer Vaccine still farking stung!
18. My ’96 Holden VP.
19. Toyota. You were so great at the beginning. What happened?
20. MySpace. What a crock.
21. The US exchange rate.
22. Amazon.com and their postage charges.
23. ANZ.
24. Commbank.
25. My University.
26. Cheesy Noodl-os.. Where did you go? I can’t have been the only person buying them.
27. Humidity.
28. The build up.
29. The lack of winter in Darwin.
30. Girlfriend and Dolly magazines. The pre-teen years.
31. Cosmo and Cleo magazines. The teenage years. Need I say more?
32. The wedding industry in Australia.
33. Helen Rodrigues. You were so great when purchasing my Vera Wang – now it’s like you’ve disappeared off the face of the earth. I guess I’ll take my money elsewhere.
34. So You Think You Can Dance.
35. Big Brother. Ever since the year that Reggie won, it’s been pitiful.
36. Australian Idol.
37. Australia’s Next Top Model and the “Bitchketeers.”
38. Luna Park Sydney.
39. Luna Park Melbourne. Are you ever even open?
40. Palm Beach. Where was Mr Stuart?
41. The Nanny Diaries movie. Seriously.
42. Chasing Harry Winston. Irk.
43. Parcel forwarding.
44. “Nick’s Bondi Beach.” But I shall give you another chance. Because I want to like you.
45. The CD player in Nick’s car.
46. Nick’s car.
47. Buzz Café, Cullen Bay.
48. MobileMe. And so you should give me an extra month free. You haven’t been reliable.
49. My orthodontist.
50. The colonoscopy.
51. My GP.
52. My hairdresser.
53. Antiperspirant deodorant.
54. AskJeeves.
55. Berocca. What fizz?
56. The Neighbours Tour.
57. The Nutcracker in New York City.
58. The Door Guy at Serendipity3 who made us stand out in the freezing cold and rain for more than an hour.
59. The Limo Guy who ripped us off on the night of our engagement.
60. Lotus Notes.
61. Herbal Tea.
62. All Bran.
63. Mood Stabilisers.
64. PSE.
65. Australia Post. Many times.
66. The iPhone.
67. The UK exchange rate.
68. Myself.
69. A whole bunch of friends. You know who you are.
70. Family.
71. Superman Returns.
72. The Sydney Roosters. But I will always love you.
73. Whitney Houston.
74. NSW State of Origin team. Most years.
75. Harry Connick Jr.
76. Beijing getting the 2008 Games.
77. Gilmore Girls. WHY did you leave me??
78. Sex and the City. Again – why did you go and leave me??
79. Carrie Bradshaw and Big.
80. Princess Mary. Remember where your roots lie.
81. Nutella.
82. Tuna. When did you suddenly decide to turn on me?
83. Sushi. Same again.
84. Myer and David Jones.
85. Casuarina Shopping Square.
86. The narky girl at Boost Juice who never quite gets my order right.
87. World Youth Day.
88. Highschool Musical: Disney on Ice.
89. Build-a-Bear.
90. Going blonde.
91. Codral Cold and Flu tablets, which never seem to work. Give me back the Pseudoephedrine.
92. Stalkbook… I mean, Facebook.
93. Photobucket.
94. My Psych degree.
95. Griffith University. Only one unit in.
96. My Polar Heart Rate Monitor.
97. Hershey’s Kisses.
98. eBay.
99. The heated spa at Star City Casino – that always seems to be malfunctioning every time we visit.
100. Macy’s and the Miracle on 34th St movie. SantaLand was not at ALL what I was expecting.
101. The internet. You suck up so much of my time. Without even trying.

When I was little, I had somewhat realistic expectations of what I wanted to be when I “grew up” – a doctor (paediatrician), a teacher, a marine biologist (whom would work with killer whales like in “Free Willy”), an author (inspired by the likes of Paul Jennings, Roald Dahl, Enid Blyton, Judy Blume haha)… But somewhere over the years, such aspirations flew out the window. Now, I just want to be famous *wink*

To be the Editor of Vogue or Marie Claire would be the ultimate, however I certainly wouldn’t knock back a position at any of the women’s glossies.. Nor would I be opposed to a job that involved rubbing shoulders with Breakfast TV’s Mel & Kochie (however in this fantasy, I’m the new Mel) *giggle*

xoxo