Archive for April, 2009

Oh bother .. it took me a good 40 minutes just to decide on this image. And it probably still sucks.

I’m not a decisive person. I don’t know what I think, or what I like, and my normally extremely-low blood pressure goes through the roof when presented with choice.

Several (hundred) times a year, I’ll get those “50 Personal Questions & Answers About Your Friends” emails, and I always cringe when I see them pop up in my inbox. Not because I don’t want to fill them out, quite the contrary – I love filling out forms, and making lists … but when it comes to those “what’s your favourite colour/food/drink/whatever” questions, I freeze up.

I don’t know what my favourite food is, and I certainly don’t know what colour crayon I’d be if I had to choose. I usually pick a “safe” answer – chocolate, or yellow … and I like my eggs poached because I’m less scared of the calorie content … but to be  frank, I just don’t know. And do you really give a flying f’ck?

I change my mind nearly as often as I change my undies (which is twice daily). In the past two years my career aspirations have changed on an almost daily basis – I’ve wanted to be a: Psychologist, Doctor (which of course meant more decisions – GP, Obs, Paediatrician), Training & Development Coordinator, HR Specialist, Workforce Strategist, Journalist, SAHM, Marketer, PR Specialist, Editor/Publisher .. The books on each of these careers have set me back several hundred dollars alone, not to mention the fees for GAMSAT tests (and study materials), HECS fees and text books, as well as industry memberships. And don’t forget all the time that I’ve wasted …

Straight out of highschool, I changed my degree (and academic institution) three times between being accepted, and the semester starting. I should have finished two degrees in the time that it has taken me to (almost) finish one, but I’ve changed my degree so many times that not only has it set me back considerably, but I think I’m starting to accumulate frequent enrolment miles with University Admissions.

When people ask me what I think, I’ll usually pick the safe option … because I certainly don’t know what I think. And what if I made the decision myself, and was WRONG?

I don’t know what my favourite book/movie/animal/band/flower is, or which idol I look up to … I worry too much about what other people think, and how one wrong choice will alter their perception of me. Which is interesting, because I certainly don’t judge other people like that – only myself.

… and this sort of brings me to where I’m at with this site and my writing (or lack thereof). My life isn’t interesting – I certainly wouldn’t want to read about it, so I couldn’t expect anyone else to. I enjoy my job, but I’m not experienced enough to write about the industry – and to be quite honest would be terrified to pour my heart and soul into a piece that might be “wrong”.

I don’t know what I think, and this makes knowing what to write rather difficult. It’s a hard enough decision just working out which dress to put on in the morning, and what to take for lunch. Heaven forbid I actually bought my lunch from the Food Court – I’d die of starvation before I actually made a decision.