Writing

This morning I woke up with a kink in my neck, a headache – and I thought it was Thursday.

Brilliant start to the week.

Driving around today, after Sunday eggs and pancakes, my fiancé pointed out a park that he and his brother had played in as kids.

“That’s where my brother used to steal plants, while I kept watch.”

“Huh?”

“And we used to take our shanghais and shoot pigeons.”

“What the fuck?”

“What? My Dad liked eating pigeons.”

“Your Dad ate them?”

“Sometimes we’d take our air rifles there too …”

“In a public park?”

“When we weren’t shooting rats in my cousin’s garage. We used to leave cheese out for them!”

“Who the fuck am I marrying??”

It’s late and I’ll probably deny such a promise tomorrow – but I’m vowing to get my shit together and put a little more thought into upcoming posts.

A “little” being the keyword. Don’t go getting your hopes up now, people.

For those who try to hold me to this “contract”, it wasn’t me.

Statistics are a real turn-on for me… And I love looking at what terms people type in search engines to find my site. I thought I’d share a few.

silky girl barbie

Hmm .. thank you! Ha!

mothman photography

 I guess this is a cross between my review of Mothman Prophecies, and all my talk of photography?

primal fear richard gere

 I know I did a review on Mothman Prophecies, but Primal Fear??

kahlee

This one is rather self-explanatory, really .. I wonder if they found the “kahlee” they were looking for?

really pretty barbies

 More Barbies? Which six year old stumbled on to my site? I now feel like I need to watch my language… I get images of Little Sally reading my Junkie posts, or How to Throw Up 101, and cringe. Go play with your My Little Pony.

kahlees.wordpress.com

 I don’t think I was the “Kahlee” they were looking for. I checked the web address just to look, and found myself knee-deep in boobs, Obama and vaginas.

baby kahlee story 6 pounds

I haven’t weighed 6lbs since 1985 .. and I don’t think the internet even existed then. Clearly my site wasn’t what they were looking for.

sunburnt country

I assume I can blame this post, nothing too strange ..  

rose car accident 2008 dec

 Interestingly enough, this search was put into Google in November. My life flashed before my eyes. I drove with a little more care for the entire month of December.

annik skelton

 Ha!

barbie california girl

 Enough with the Barbies! I mentioned them once (well, now twice)!

sydney bushwalking

 How in the world did this search lead someone to MY site? Sydney, yes. Bushwalking, no.

kahlee rose australia

 Just in case you were looking for a different Kahlee Rose.

wedding crashers, marriage is when two souls

 Not exactly two searches I’d put together …

barefoot wedding -bush

 What?! I’m getting married in Manolo’s and Alex Perry, in NYC! Slightly offended that Google offered my site for this search term, I googled it myself. I got to Page 12 before I couldn’t be assed searching any further. How many pages did one trawl through to find my site??

ken von barbie

Now Ken has jumped on the bandwagon … I don’t pretend to make this site kid-friendly, parents! Watch your kids when on they’re on the net!

but the one that really got me was:

“sweet dreams are made of this” cows meaning

So intrigued, I googled the Search Engine Term myself. My site was the second link.

It was at that moment, that Ronald knew he had a problem.. And it wasn't the drugs.

Turns out, I’m not sick… I’m a f’cking junkie!

I awoke this morning, and actually felt somewhat human. Then I got out of bed. Lying in the shower, wondering if the blade in my disposable razor was enough to slice my head off, it dawned on me.

After a little googling at work, and a quick visit to the GP across from work, my suspicions were confirmed.

The aches, stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting, diarrhoea, sweating, sleeplessness, fatigue, shakes, chills, muscle spasms? Withdrawal symptoms from coming off Aropax.

I’ve been tapering off my anti-depressants for about a month – under the supervision of my regular GP – and took the last dose a week ago. Apparently, Aropax is one of the worst SSRI’s to come down off.

I’ve been told this is what it feels like to come down from heroin. I certainly won’t be chasing the f’cking dragon any time in this existence. 

The Doctor was confused as to which end was doing the talking ...

So, I was browsing the interwebz for an image of my wonder drug Phernergan, when I came across this little gem:

Do not take Phenergan rectal by mouth. It is for use only in your rectum.

Uhh, thanks for those wise words, MedStore.

Just like a Penguin in Bondage, boy ...

I was robbed! Of my weekend.

The majority was spent dosed up on enough Promethazine Hydrochloride (or, Phenergan) to kill a fruitbat, sleeping – when my head wasn’t getting up close and personal with the “white porcelain bus”.

Somebody, please give me a bullet .. Anybody??

Just for a change, I’d like to be well … I’d like to be living my life, rather than watching it pass me by.

Ever wondered about the numbers on food labels?

Some ten years ago, at her wits end with my then eight year old brother’s bad behaviour & self-injury, and desperate for help that she wasn’t getting from his school or doctor, my mother turned towards Sue Dengate’s book Fed Up.

The book is a “revolutionary approach that changes parents’ lives”, and after a month of ‘failsafe’ (free of additives, and low in salicylates, amines and flavour enhancers) eating, he was a changed boy.

No longer was he slicing up his arms in math class, he was doing better in school, and he was far less defiant at home.

Now, a decade later, I’m giving my diet a complete overhaul.

This past year, I have been sick more than in the previous twenty-two years of my life.

I have had more appointments with my doctor and more days off work sick in twelve month, than John Farnham has had ‘The Last Time’ farewell tours.

My quality of life has been affected rather severely. I turn 24 at the end of this month, and I would like my life back.

My symptoms include, but are not limited to:

- Swollen lips/mouth or recurrent mouth ulcers
- Increased mucus production in throat
- Dark circles under eyes
- Puffiness or ‘bags’ below eyes, or puffy or swollen nose/face
- Inner corner of eyes itch, or whole eyes itch/eye rubbing or scratching
- Watery, glassy or glazed eyes; or red eyes
- Itchy nose
- Nasal or sinus congestion/sinusitis/runny or snuffly nose/sneezing
- Postnasal drip
- Red ears/hot or ‘burning’ earlobes
- Itchy arms, ear canals, hands, legs or skin in general
- Puffy or swollen hands/knuckles/feet
- Asthma or recurrent wheezy bronchitis/infection or exercise induced wheezing
- Abdominal pain, bloating or vomiting
- Increased frequency of stools/unformed bowel movements/frequent constipation
- Sensation of incomplete defecation or colo-rectal spasms
- Feel best when don’t eat or skip meals
- Feel worse (energy, mood, concentration etc) or look pale/red after some meals
- Strong particular food cravings and dislikes
- Recurrent ear infections
- Headaches/migraines
- Restless (wiggly or twitchy) legs or can not sit still

The nausea is the worst. I slept 17 hours last night, and then the better part of today, trying to escape it. But I can’t seem to make it go away. I’ve been both riding and driving the “porcelain bus” for over a week now. Somebody, please shoot me.

If only I’d stuck to the ‘Failsafe’ eating that we were on half a lifetime ago. Maybe mothers really do know best.